Really tired...

I have been studying Euro all day. Plowed through three chapters in my review book, three practice tests, and went to the review session. Still not done, but I am too tired to continue. As much as I like to learn, I will be very happy indeed when this AP deal is over.

Exam Week! (Almost...)

So exams are the next two weeks. Oh yeah, the 100% percent on my midterm was real. ^_^ I don't really know what to think of it. I'm not particualrily proud. I'm not exactly happy, but I guess superficially I should be. I'm not comforted. I think the best word here would be confused, but I'm not really that confused. I got a 5 on a practice exam that was the actual exam from 2002, but I've been struggling really hard in stats all year...I guess I am confused about that.

Oh yeah, about the AP scoring system (for people who don't know and for future reference if I read this years later). Everything is weighted so that each portion of the test (multiple choice and free response) is presented accordingly. The range for a 5 (the highest) is 68-100, for stats; a 1 (the lowest) is from 0-something. If you're on borderline and you have 67.5, it depends on how well you communicated your ideas in the free response. You can't get a 4.5, but if you had good communication, the judges might give you a 5, and if your communication sucks (like you didn't show extra work needed to solve the problem), you'll get a 4. I got 76 on the exam, so Kucera gave me a 5 and 100%, it wasn't actually that I got everything right.

I know all I have to do is have a clear head and be able to think. And take a stab at all the questions, even if I have no idea how to do them. I'm planning on reviewing this weekend. I have my Euro midterm/practice exam on Monday, and the real, actual Stats exam Tuesday afternoon, so I'm not sure what to study for. Both, definately. I have to go over material for both, but what material...?

Anyway, I want to go take a bike ride now because it's a gray, cloudy, day, and I have too many thoughts and unused energy from the week I need to get rid of.

Too good to be true?

I just checked my stats grade. And I got 100% on the midterm. O_O

*speechless*

I was really, really excited at first, but now I kind of wonder if Kucera made a mistake and typed it in wrong. That would suck. But I just want to see my graded test in person, and actually hold it and flip through it. (Can you tell I'm pessimistic?) Argh, I will have to wait until tomorrow.

It was SOOO funny in Euro today, though, before I checked my grade. Corbett was talking about how conservatives always say things like, "I started a war in Iraq because God told me to," so I turned to Denice and said "I failed the stats midterm because God told me to," and we cracked up FOREVER on that. Then, in the middle of laughing, Denice said, "What else did God tell you to do?" and we laughed for the rest of the period. Corbett got a tad annoyed, so I'll try not to do it again. BUT IT WAS SOOO FUNNY!!

Okay, yeah, not much else going on. STAR testing is over; we had math today. I am annoyed that I don't remember how to do trig stuff. I took forever on problems on the test and I didn't manage to get them in the end anyway. I'm glad I can still figure out algebra stuff, and I've forgotten some geometry stuff, but not a huge amount.

STAR Testing

*stretches*

I have been sitting in front of my computer for the last two hours, reading fanfiction. (A Little Piece of Heaven, Leanne Ashely) Is that surprising? I think two years ago (or even last year) I would've been surprised. But I got home and I felt like collapsing, so I started reading. It's really good, and it'd be better if I had any idea what Naruto is about. Sadly, I don't, but I like the story nonetheless. Meh, ignorance can be pretty blissful. ^_^ But I really am going to read Naruto next time I have a chance. The good thing is that I like fanfics now...or at least my tolerance level is a lot higher.

I have STAR testing this week. Ugh... But at least that means no homework. But that means I should studying for AP exams, like I didn't last night. Instead, I finished reading The Da Vinci Code. I thought the plot was too movie like, and in general, it was mediocre. I mean, the facts are good and accurate, and I'm very proud I understand the stuff realating to art history (<3), but there was absolutely no character development, and the whole thing just seemed pretty shallow. You can't cover up a sucky plot, no matter how historically accurate your facts are. Then again, what right do I have when I say this? Probably less than none. Dr. Corbett once said that you can say your opinions about famous people after you publish your second book, so when I finally do that, Dan Brown had better be writing better.

So, yeah...I feel better. Except today in stats we were doing an activity and Karla was asking me how to do it, and I didn't get it either, so I was all like, "I don't know, but just go along with it." And I think Dr. Kucera herd because she walked right up to my desk and guided me through it. Which made me feel really, really bad. Horrible. Dr. Kucera is really a good person, somewhere very deep down. No matter how much useless busywork she assigns. And she understands a lot about life, I think. At least, she understands a lot about hapiness. I mean, it's obvious that stats makes her insanely happy, and maybe helping others does too, so what better occupation than a stats teacher?

A lot of people want a job that pays well, but really, you've got to consider your hapiness before anything else.

"Study" Session

I went to library to "study" with a bunch of other people...Denice, Rose, Dan, Rudy, Jason, Chris, and Chelsea. I got all the multiple choice questions for my art test done, but a lot of it was just me and Denice being spazzy and weird looks from Chris. Okay, so there were these stuffed animals of a T Rex and a hippo, and they were placed on the top of one of the bookshelves in the children's section, near were we were. The T Rex was right in front of a pole, and it looked like it was running into it, and the hippo was right behind the T Rex. It was so close that it's face was under the T Rex's tail, and it looked like it was sexually assualting it. And then Denice had a flier with the acronym "B.E.D" on it, which made the whole thing funnier.

I ♥ Ac Dec

Okay, so it's been a busy week, and I've finally managed to get some time alone with the computer. Not that it matters, but I'm sucking on an orange flavored popsicle as I type. It keeps dripping, and the inavalibility of my hands doesn't help.

We had to choose our scheduals for next year this week. I had such a hard time deciding! I knew I was going to take AP Composition for English and AP US History (A PUSH! haha) for history, and French III, but I didn't know whether to take AP Calculus or Math Analysis Honors for math and AP Physics or AP Environmental Science for science. I finally decided yesterday, after pondering all Monday and Tuesday, and I talked to my mom. I didn't care what I took for math, so I decided Math Analysis Honors, only because my mom is reluctant to let me take too many AP classes, but Math Analysis Honors is just like and AP class, but there's no AP exam, so it's not. I didn't tell her that...

Anyway, I wanted to take Enviro for science, but then I decided that it would look better if I took Physics, because I've already taken Bio and I'm completing Chem, so Physics is the last of my major sciences. I'm planning on taking Enviro senoir year, because it's an easy class.

So I got all that settle with my mom last night, which I was really proud of. We also decided that I should take photography instead of Ac Dec, because I've already taken 3 semesters of Ac Dec, and my mom thought photo would be a nice, new experience. And I agreed with that decision.

Until about 10:30 this morning, when I went to visit Mr. Garrity to turn in my Ac Dec form for the competition. Garrity pulls out a big envelope, and was all like, "I have something to show you." He took out a letter from the envelope, and holds it out for me to read. I didn't really get it at first...I mean, it was adressed to me and all, and it pretty much just said congrats on medaling in Essay at the last competition in the first two paragraphs, which I skimmed through. I totally skipped reading the third paragraph, because it was too long, heh...and I looked at the signature at the bottom.

It was from Barbara Boxer.

The US Senator representing California.

In all honsety, I'm not into politics much, so I don't know that much about her, but I remember seeing commercials last year during election time about her. I sitll don't know much about her...but getting a letter of congratulations from her...wow.

I felt sooo, unexplainably bad for deciding not to take Ac Dec after Garrity showed me. The problem nagged me all day, until my mom picked me up. The first thing she said was, "I made a mistake last night, and I really think it'd be better for you to take Ac Dec next year." And I was all like, "Oh my god, yay! I think so too!" So that got settled fast.

My mom thinks I should take Ac Dec because the topic next year is China, and she doesn't think I'm going to have many opportunities to take Chinese history and study China at all, as I'd probably never take a class on my own. But I don't really care about it, I'm just glad I'll be able to take Ac Dec. ♥

Math Homework is Evil

Homework in general is evil. But math homework is especially evil, espeically when it comes in the form of two alegra 2 packets, one with 121 questions and the other with 48. I finished those about half an hour ago, and I started at 9 this morning. I still have to do 9 sections of chapter 5 for stats in the review book, and the review questions for the chapter. Grrr.

It's not that I don't understand math. For the most part, I do. It's just that I don't retain it as easily, as, say, what happens in a certain book I've read only once before. I have to practice math problems over and over to remember a certain concept, whereas I could write one essay and learn the use of a certain form of writing.

I just finished reading The Lives of Christopher Chant by Diana Wynne Jones, and I know I've read it before, but I've kind of forgotten when. It has to be either 5th or 6th grade. I've forgetten a lot of key elements, like the tone, but I still remember the plot. I want to re-read all the Chrestomanci books now, and Howl's Moving Castle. I want to see Miyazaki's movie, too, to find out if it was based off of Diana Wynne Jones' book.

*looks it up on Wikipedia* Oh never mind, it was. Oh look, it came out on my birthday, like Harry Potter. How odd.

...well, back to math homework...sigh

[titleless]

It just occurred to me that, for some reason, we can title entries. Why? When you write in a real journal (one that's tangible), you don't put titles. At least, I don't. But this entry is titleless because I can't think of one.

I'm feeling like I'm back in school already. Ugh. Why didn't I do any of my homework over the week? Because I wanted to ignore it, that's why. Now I have one more chapter of stats, a chem worksheet, and a ton of algebra 2 review. Two packets...grr...I just finished doing chapter 4 for stats. I'm thinking of saving chapter 5 to do tomorrow, but really, algebra 2 review doesn't sound very exciting either.

I still haven't decided what classes I want to take over the summer at Saddleback. A class in HTML and photoshop would be fun, but it's stuff I can do on my own. Then again, I don't want to work too hard with computer science, but Stephen said it would be easy if I understand algebra 2. Which brings me back to the aggravating topic of my homework. Arg.

Spring Break is Over

I realized that I haven't done any of my homework that's due yet. This is what I get for actually studying...-_-;; Oh well, nothing I can do about it now.

I haven't covered all the material I wanted to either, but I'll just have to let that go too. It was worth relaxing and dallying the time away reading fanfics anyway. ^^ Plus, stats took a damn long time. I did all the review exercises in my book for chapters 2 and 3 and that took yesterday and today, and those aren't due. *scowls* I have to do chapters 4,5, and the algebra review over the weekend because those are due. Hopefully I don't have any huge assignments that I completely blanked out on.

And I haven't gotten through much Euro or Art. grr. I need to work out that part in the French Revolution where all the parties are fighting for power. I honestly don't get the difference between some of them. Like the sans-culottes and the Jacobians. (I think it's those two) They sound like they want the same thing, and I think Robbespierre was a sans-culotte who led the Jacobians, which makes it all the more confusing. If worst comes to worst and I can't figure it out later, I'll just go ask my French teacher. ^_^ I think she'll know.

As for Art, well, I'm taking that exam a week after Euro, so I'm not too worried. A week is a long time. (So why does a year seem so short?)

I am not going to Bunny Day at the senoir center tomorrow for two reasons: 1) it starts at 11, and I want to call Nina at 11:30 so we can laugh at Yu-Gi-Oh together, and 2) my flute teacher had to change our lesson time, so I have to be at her house at 2:15, and Bunny Day ends at 2. Oh well...It would've been fun helping out all the little kids though. Oh yeah, and as you can tell, I didn't go to Crystal Cathedral tonight either, but my mom wouldn't let me anyway. I mean, maybe it is fun, but it's from 10pm-2am, and she doesn't want to stay up, and I would feel bad if I made her. Plus, I don't really want to stay up myself.

I haven't really done anything this break except stay at home. Is that depressing? *thinks for a moment* No, I don't think so, not this time. It's not that I don't want to hang out, I just needed time to think and work out stuff. Like calming down. And I needed to study. OH. MY. GOD. Only two more weeks left...

On a brighter note, once they're over, they're over, and there's so much I want to do afterwards:

1. start giving flute lessons
2. take my permit test
3. start writing, actually writing again

I found a draft of an old fanfic I started over 2 years ago, in 8th grade. I read it, and I was really surprised, but I liked it. It made sense. It was decent. I don't know if I can pick it right back up (I mean, 2 years is a long time), but I want to try, I had a pretty good plot going. The only thing is that I don't know if I saved it to a floppy or not because if I haven't, I'll have to retype what I've already written. It's good enough that I don't want to just throw it out, but I scribbed notes all over it, so I can't scan it into my computer. It'll just look messy and it'll be of no use because Word probably wouldn't be able to make out the words beneath my notes. *pouts* It was the Yugi/Bakura duel from Battle City from Yami Bakura's viewpoint, and I had outlined a bunch of stuff that went in depth into his past life and his reasons for everything. I have to watch the shows again, though, because I've forgotten a lot. And I even tape recorded them back then, to help write the story, and I still have the tape. I am a good secratary, if nothing else. I wonder if I can get a job as a secratary...Am I even spelling secratary right?

I'm tired. It's 10:42. I should go to sleep. I'm still anxious about AP exams, but not so much as I was earlier this week. For some unknown, wack, reason, Yu-Gi-Oh helps. Well, anime in general helps. I need to think about anime more then.

anime=happiness/calmness >^.^<

♥ pokemon ♥

You can say I'm crazy (and you might be right) but I think this song truly captures high school life:

Everybody wants to be a master
Everybody wants to be a champion
Everybody wants to get there faster
Make their way to the top of the hill

Each time you try
you get just a little bit better
Each step you climb
is one more step up the ladder

It's a whole new world we live in!
It's a whole new way to see!
It's a whole new place, with a bran new attitude
But ya still gotta catch 'em all
And be the best that you can be!

--Pokemon Jhoto, dub theme song

Happy to be alive

I really am. I woke up at 7-ish this morning, and I didn't want to get up so I tried to go back to sleep and I actually slept for a while. I woke up again at 8:07, and for some unknown reason, I felt really happy. The only other time I've felt like that was on the second day of freshman year, when I woke up and looked at the pictures of Chi over my door. Francis Pascal said "the heart has its reasons that reason cannot know" in response to Descartes, I think. I think he meant that not everything can be explained by deductive reasoning. Descartes and the French Revolution confuzzles me. Descartes because even though he was a dedective thinker, he used inductive methods. No, wait, it's the other way around. He was an inductive thinker who used deductive methods, so that made him a deductive person. ...right?

But back to Pascal. I like his quote. Anime makes me happy, and I'm not sure why, so I'll just go along with Pascal's words.

Calmed...

I think the stress I was suffering from has decided to go away. I spent most of my afternoon reading Seto/Isis fanfics, and oh my god, they made me feel so much better. I don't know why. All the pressure and stuff just sort of...evaporated. Maybe it's just realizing that no matter what, there'll always be love in the world. Even if it only exists in the (sometimes mediocre) writings of (mostly) teenage girls involving characters that're copyrighted to some freakish bozo. I guess that was a bit harsh on whoever created Yu-Gi-Oh. I can't believe I don't know his name. What kind of obsessed fangirl am I?

But really, I don't care much for the main plot in YGO, except I have some pretty good memories that're associated with it. I won't start ranting about them, partly to preserve Nina, Liz, Jen's, and my own dignity. Or what's left of it. And partly because I don't think of YGO like that anymore. It's kind of funny, I like the whole thing better now; I still think the "good" characters are pathetic (not as a character--their characters are strong, but their personalities are pathetic), as before, which kind of makes me like the small/"bad" people more. And let's face it, I'm turning into a devoted S/I fan. They're really almost the same person, at least, after Isis gives up the whole predestination thing. She kind of reminds me of John Calvin that way, but their reasoning for predestination is different. (I can't wait til the AP exams are over and I can stop making these references.) Seto reminds me of...*racks brains for a Euro metaphor*...an enlightened despot? No, he wouldn't care about the "general will of the people." More like and absolutist, so lets go with Louis XIV.

I really don't understand how people can get Seto/Shizuka. I mean, it's totally irrational for Seto to fall for the little sister of someone he completely hates! And why the hell would she like him back?! I guess anything can happen if you put them under the right circumstances, but really, Shizuka is pretty naive. I don't have much against her character, but that's how I think of her. She's more like Mokuba in that she's always looking up to Joey. If they were charcters from European history, they'd be...someone totally incompetant. Like Louis XVI, I guess, only they wouldn't be selfish, but they would fail at running a kingdom, or winning tornaments, or being head of a huge company because of their lack of neccessary skill. But you can always develop skill, so I don't think they'd get themselves beheaded by the people. Okay, I'm really going crazy now.

Oh, I just got it--Kaiba would be a Machiavellian ruler. Like Bismark. Or like what we're doing in Iraq today. "The ends justify the means." Wow, I amaze myself sometimes. I hope I don't think of this on the exam and crack up. That would be excruciatingly embarrasing. And how would I explain it?

New Template

Yay! And it matched with the title. I still want to make my own, but not right now. I'll get to it after May, probably. I also want to set up a website using blogger where I can advertise flute lessons. Although I'm not quite sure I'll have enough info to make an entire website on it. I mean, what's there to say? My rates, personal info, experience, contact info...it'd be a pretty simple website.

I went to Corbett's review session again. Not a lot of people were there, and we mostly covered stuff about certain cities and why they were important. Then we went to WWI, and that's when everyone started getting bored. I've realized that I need to work on memorizing dates for Euro. Not specific ones, but I really don't have much of a clue on what years the big movements, like the Enlightenment, occurred around. I guess I'll work on Euro today, and see where I go. I haven't done anything with stats yet, and I actually have homework to do. -_-;; It's algebra review though, and I still have my answers from the same problems last year, so I'm not worried. I understand stats so much better this semester, thank god. Maybe it's because I tend to like proofs in general, but I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I have so much more time to work on school without marching band. I am definately not joining next year.

Oh yeah, I kind of told everyone that on Friday. I was getting a ride home with Jacqueline, and Jenna and Kaitlynne were also in the car. Jacqueline and Kate were the only ones I told I was considering not joining band next year, so Jacqueline asked me, "Have you decided if you're taking marching band next year?" I couldn't lie and say I hadn't decided, because I have, a while ago, and I couldn't lie and say yes, I did want to join, because I didn't. So I told everyone the truth. Jacqueline and Kaitlynne were fine with it. In all honesty, I don't think Kaitlynne cared much, and Jacqueline was dissappointed, but she'll be fine. But I know Jenna's going to tell her mom and Rachel now, and they'll be trying to get me to join. But seriously, that's my decision. I've been thinking about it since last October, when Stephen and Agni quit. I felt like quitting then, too, and I don't want to be ripped apart again because I stuck with something I didn't want to do. I was scared too much with my stats grade all last semester, and I'm not stupid with math (well, maybe I am), but the main problem was that I didn't have the time and energy to deal with it. Besides, happiness depends on the individual, to quote from Clamp (in Chobits), so when Jenna told me that the biggest mistake her mom said she made in high school was quitting band, I was thinking, "Well, I'm sorry for your mother, but it's not like what dissappointed her is going to dissappoint me."

You can say I'm a geek, but I think that's the same mistake Marx made. Well, maybe it's not exactly a mistake, but expecting people to behave like machiens, all alike, is totally irrational because people aren't machiens. People have emotions, and their emotions will always be different depending on the individual. It's like that example Corbett keeps making, where there's a really smart kid, and he's all set to take the AP exam, but his dog gets run over that morning. No matter how smart, the kid might still screw up the exam because he's sad over his dog. And who wouldn't be?

Even if I am making a mistake, I'll learn from it. Anyway, I've made my decision, and it's final. I want to join an outside band or orchestra in the fall next year. I'm planning on working on that after AP exams and the Ac Dec competition. I'll have to talk to Florence (my flute teacher) about audition pieces and all that good stuff, and I want to start teaching flute because it's the best thing I can do to work, and I'll get the most profits from it. And the only way I can do that is if I get more time. And even with doing all that, I'll still have way more time to study than I did last semester. I don't want to kill myself again.

Stressed

Nina, I made it so that you can post comments without needing an account now. Sorry "I made you again." ^.~

I'm frikkin' stressed over the AP exams, and now I know it. I ran 40 minutes around my neighborhood after jump roping for 30 minutes, and I'm not tired. Either you can argue I'm in shape (ha!), or I have nervous energy. Even if I am in shape, I still have nervous energy, and usually I can work it off with hard exercise. It is a bad thing that I am not tired right now. Then again, it's only 9. On the other hand, I couldn't fall asleep last night until 12, so I really should be tired right now.

I also saw a coyote today. It walked across my fence, and scared me half to death because one of my rabbits was out in the backyard. Then, not long after, it walked back across my fence, and scared me again. It didn't show any sign of wanting to break in, it simply walked by without a glance. That slightly comforts me, as I'm sure my backyard is reeks of rabbits. I really don't want either of them to turn into coyote-dinner.

I went to Corbett's review this morning. It was worth it. All we did was review, but Corbett used images from the Industrial Revolution era and lectured on how to interpret them. I need to work on that. I studied for Art History when I got home, and I covered from prehistoric to medieval times, which is pretty good. I remember most of the stuff about Greece and the medieval ages, but I need to work on prehistoric, Egyptian, and Roman art. For some reason, I don't particularly like Rome. I mean, they were great inventors and stuff, but they seem rather too military and not very innovative.

I need to find a way to vent stress, besides exercising. Exercising is good, but I ran myself to death today, and it felt good, but my mind is still too alert and awake. I need to find a book to read that's good and one that I haven't read before. That usually works, as long as the book really is good. I finished Conrad's Fate Saturday, and now I'm bookless. Actually, no, I'm not, considering I still have 1984 on my desk, but I can't take anything intellectual right now (sorry Nina).

I don't know what else to say. I have nothing else to say. I am nervously rambling. I hope I can sleep tonight. I have to get myself mentally tired so I can collapse.

I read about the plot for Death Note on Wikipedia because I was bored, and I haven't had the opportunity to go to the bookstore. The death of L is surprising, especially since Light never seems to figure out his name because another death god kills him off, not Light. It's also surprising that Light takes over the Kira case when L dies, so he pretty much gets what he wants--he'll never get captured, being in charge of his own case, and the world is being clensed. The stuff about the other characters (Mello and someone else) confused me. I wonder when that arc will be released here, and what'll happen afterwards. Eventually, Light will run out of Death Notes to write in, and anyway, a death god or someone else with a Death Note could kill him any time. It doesn't seem very exciting when you look at it that way...

Welcome to my humble shack!

Needless to say, this is my new blog. I was getting really tired of LiveJournal, and I just felt like I needed a change from everything there. It didn't seem like the entire thing represented anything about me in the current moment. It was more like a documentary (and a long one, I know) of who I used to be. So, I've created this blog, and I'll use it as a place where I can reflect myself.

I'm still keeping my old LJ (username=poisoned_facade) if you really want to read about two years of my life. I think that's how long I used it. You'll need an account, though, and I'll have to tell me to put you on my friend's list because it's secured. Speaking of security, I'm planning to keep this blog opened. Actually, now that I consider it, I don't think I can secure it. But no matter...it seems stupid, how I secured my LJ in the first place.

I have a layout in mind for this place to reflect the title. I like the title. Much less pessimistic than my old one. I got it from a song from Shaman King, "It will always be written in this heart/ Forever in the sky shining..." I'll try working on it during spring break, but right now, I'm putting AP exams ahead of everything. Which makes me a bit sad because that means I can't help judge the essays for the Laws of Life contest on Thursday. I have to go to Corbett's Euro review. I considered not going, but I think I should. I've still got to e-mail the person in charge of that. = (

Oh yeah, I got a review book for art history yesterday. I love it. It doesn't have a fourth of the images in my text book, but then again, it was $24, not $142. I seriously want to buy one of the old art history books off of Corbett. I'll happily pay anything less than $40 for one, even though it's old and beat up. It's probably worth way more. Some of the art books are Borders were $200. Eep.

Something that's been bothering me lately is my career. At this point, I think I'll be one of those people who wander from job to job...but then again, "not all those who wander are lost," so I guess I'll find my way eventually.