Happy Halloween

So it's Halloween. I'm not really into it this year. I was going to wear the dress I got last year to school today, but then I had a shitty afternoon/evening yesterday (although I did get my room clean), and the dress had two holes in it, and by the time I was done cleaning my room it was 1 AM and I didn't feel like sewing. It was cool going to school and seeing everyone dressed up though.

Anyway, I had a blast during Ac Dec today. I was seriously considering ditching, but I talked to Agni during tutorial and she said she was going today, so I decided to go with her. The way Garrity favors some people annoys her. It bugs me, too, but I don't care that much because I don't do anything in Ac Dec.

So, I went to Ac Dec, we started studying a presentation, when the fire alarm goes off. And it is LOUD in the new P portables where Garrity's new room is. After it blasts our ears off, an announcement come on--they're doing some tests to the fire alarm. And then the blasted thing goes off AGAIN. So Garrity cancels class.

Karla wanted to walk to In-n-Out for the adventure, but after going down the hill, I almost tripped, so we decided to be safe, not run across the street underneath the highway, and just go to the plaza with Jack-in-the-Box and Dell Taco. When we get to the intersection, we meet Andrew Grandstaff, so he decided to join us. Karla and I couldn't decided which place to go to, so Andrew chose Dell Taco for us.

At Dell Taco:
*Karla sits down*
*Andrew sits down*
*I sit down*
Karla: Aren't we going to order something?
Me: I dunno, I'm not hungry.
Karla: *looks at the menu* Hmm...I think I'll get a quesadia.
Me: What's a quesadia?
Andrew: *increduous look*
Karla: *sigh* *gets up to stand in line* It's cheese melted between two tortias.
Me: *follows her* Oh... *considers getting a chicken quesadia* Can you get one without cheese?
Andrew (who's behind us) and Karla: *start laughing*
Me:...
Andrew: Can you get a hamburger without meat?

The rest of the time we spent there was basically those two making fun of me for my lack of cultural knowledge. I really don't know nothing about Mexican food. But in my defense, there are more Chinese people in Cali than Mexicans anyways.

Hooray for Daylight Savings!

...or is it the end of Daylight Savings? Well, anyway, this is now my favorite holiday because one extra hour last night meant one extra hour of sleep.

I honestly haven't done much this weekend. Yesterday, I went to the dentist and that took up half the day because I also went out to lunch befor the dentists, and since we were in Irvine, my mom went grocery shopping and I had to go with her because I STILL can't drive. Then, I got, thought about doing math homework, but decided I really didn't want to. So I went to Mervyns with my mom and got some much-needed new shirts for $4 a piece. :D They're nice shirts, too. One says "Luxe Angel," which I think means "Angel of Light" in Latin. I'll ask Mme H. Another shirt has this weird poem on it that doesn't make sense, but I like it. And my third new shirt has a flower pattern. But it's a tank top, so I won't be wearing it much, unless if it get really really hot.

Then I did my French homework after dinner while watcing and tape recording Harry Potter, and after an hour of that, I let the VCR tape record while I worked on my English essay. I took my essay to Stender last Friday, and he told me to make two changes, which I did. I guess, overall, they make the essay sound better, but for some reason, I was reluctant to change one of the parts. It's due Tuesday, so I still have tomorrow to go over it with a fine-tooth comb. (look! an idiom!)

I worked on my essay more this morning, and now, I really, really have to study math. I've been trying to think of a way to think about math that makes sense in my head. The closest I've ever, ever gotten to truly understanding math was when I thought of it like poetry. I can still see that aspect in a problem. You can start off with a triangle, and through a logical, clear process of steps, you build upon it to find a solution. In a way, it's beautiful.

The Great Fire of '06

Yesterday, this huge fire started somewhere near Palm Springs. I don't know how. It still hasn't been put out yet, so the air's been all smokey lately. It's disgusting, really. Akshar said this is what India smells like all the time. And it's pretty serious because all afterschool sport events have been called off because it's bad to breathe in the air. Part of it is poisonous now because the fired burned up some construction material somewhere out there and that stuff was poisonous, and now it's in the gas form and it's traveling through the atmosphere. There were people at school wearing doctor masks today.

But don't worry! I'm pretty sure I won't die. Right now, the poisonous gases should be diluted by the atmosphere, and it's not like I spend that much time outside. Just hope it doesn't rain...if it does, we'll get acid rain, and that would be REALLY bad.

Conventional Wisdom

People say you're not suppose to keep your feelings bottled up. That is why I am here right now, when I have loads of other crap to do, all of them for school. In summary, I am irritated, but not really that irritated, that my parents are against me going to Saddleback wind emsemble rehearsals every Tuesday nigth from 7-10. Yes, 3 hours is a lot of time, and yes, I could definitely use that time. But you see, I can't just tell the director I'd like to join the band and not show up. Maybe it's a musician's honor thing, but I really can't do that, like my parents are encouraging me to. I know other people ditch class, but I am not them. I think Mr. T drilled this into me way back when. I remember him saying we should always, ALWAYS, show up for rehearsal, even if we couldn't play. He assured us we'd learn something anyways. I guess that's true. You can't keep up with the progression if you don't attend. But knowing all that doesn't really make me feel better. = (

I'll go study APUSH now.

Life is a Journey

This is the first urge I've gotten to update my blog for a while. I honestly admire people who can update everyday, or close to everyday, like Hannah. Sometimes, I just don't feel like writing about stuff. Usually it helps me, but it doesn't if I force myself. And I don't really like writing one-liners that really don't say anything about my life, although I've been posting some of those lately.

Anyway, stuff has happened, some good, most bad. I still don't really feel like writing about it, or about school in general. That includes my (barely existent) social life.

So intead, I'll talk about college. (How is this not related to school? Well, it is, but it isn't for the moment.) Last year, I somehow came to the conclusion that I wanted to be a writer. I've forgotten how I came to that conclusion, but no matter, I did. And Corbett told me that UC Irvine was the 2nd best writing school in the nation. Coming into this year with the goals of becoming a writer and going to UCI has done worse for me than it helped me last year. Last year, the idea of knowing what I wanted to do in life gave me purpose. This year, it's driving me insane. I feel pressured to be perfect in English, and that just messes me up. So now I've decided not to think about long-term goals for the moment. Which pretty much puts me back to square one. Where do I want to go for college? What do I want to be? I bubbled in the code for a major in "English language" on the PSAT, but really, I don't know anymore. And I'm fine with that.

After all, life is a journey, and right now, I'm not in a hurry to get anywhere.

Getting back up

You know how you're suppose to get right back on a horse if you fall off? I've realized I'm really bad at that (metaphorically speaking). Turns got I got a C on my physics test. I started a notebook I can record extraneous physics stuff in. Just stuff I think will be worth knowing. And my mom says I need to do more practice, which I will be sure to do before the next test. And I will not cram and stress out the night before. Anytime before that is okay, just not the night before.

The stupid thing about all of this is, I know I can do it all. I know I should have. I had the foresight to start studying a couple days before my APUSH test last week, and I did really well on that (57/58 with the curve). I just don't have that drive when it comes to physics. It's partly because I honestly don't get half the stuff when I'm on my own. When Johnson does it in class, or when Brian or Eric explain it to me, I can kind of grasp it, but when I'm alone, I'm completely lost. I guess that's where practing more should come in handy.

I seriously cried for an hour last night thinking about the test. It was depressing. Then I lightened up while watching tv with my mom, and while I was taking a shower, I realized how to solve one of the problems! It was so frustrating, because the solution's so easy, I just couldn't come up with the formula during the test! And, of all the easiet formulas in the world, it was the acceleration formula. a=(Vf - Vi)/t

I guess I'm over it. I need to stop thinking so much about my grade. And study harder. I was thinking about what I did to survive stats last year, and I remembered I would always cram everything in the weekend before the test. I think that's a good strategy. It gives you the days up til the test to make sense of everything in your head, not just the few hours in the night before. So, because I have a math test Friday, I've spent all day on math. I'm not going to think about my grade (A- at the moment) during the test, I have to go in with a clear head and FIGURE STUFF OUT. (Another thing I couldn't do during my physics test.)

To change the subject, today's the first day of the SAT for this school year. I know a ton of people who are taking it. Agni, Becky, Taylor, and Hide, for starters, because they're seniors. I think Hide's taken it before, but he needs a higher score to make it to USC. Hope he did well. Talked to Kevin last night too, and he told me he was taking it today also. The convo was pretty funny, I totally didn't get what he was telling me at first, and I didn't even realize until after I signed off:
Kevin: i'm taking it
Me (had no idea what "it" was): physics? (yeah, I was really sad about my test)
Kevin: SAT
Me: the sat's not that bad, just painfully boring
Kevin: nothing serious is boring
Me (thinks about this for a moment): no...math is always boring. but that might be cuz of my own ineptitude
Kevin: lmao
*later*
Me: i gotta go to dinner
Kevin: have fun
Me: have fun at ivy tomorrow
Kevin: lol, i'm not going there tomorrow, i'm taking the sat
Me: oh, in that case, good luck!

Hmmm, now that I think about it, I probably sounded like a dork. I really must have been distracted with physics yesterday to not get what he was saying.

Thinking about the SAT makes me feel better. I know that sounds weird. But I have tons of good memories about it, and I seem to be remembering all the happy moments during class rather than the sad goodbyes more and more. Studying makes me feel more connected to Alice, Kevin, Hide, Diane, and Meng, and when I come across certain words or strategies, I can hear one of them in my head explaining the problem, helping me think through it.

I swear I'm not crazy. They're really there.

I really hate this

TT_TT I failed my Physics test.

I hate this

I've been so tired this week. Not sure why. Perhaps need more sleep.

Totally blew off math homework yesterday. Instead, learned 48 new words for the P/SAT. :D PSAT is on mommy's b-day, maybe that'll bring good luck. Hope so.

Did francais composition today. Did Eng reading. Even did Ac Dec presentation. Am not really proud, am more tired. Cannot wait for Daylight Savings. One whole extra hour of sleep.

Late Night Confessions

Liz just totally saved me in English. She sent me a list of 20 vocab words from Frankenstein she wrote up for her English class, all in context, and all defined. I won't copy her stuff directly, I have to look up the passages her sentences are from because I need more context than what she has. But Frankenstein's an easily accesible book. I know it's online, so that'll be easy. I have like, 90-something words now, and it wouldn't be horrible if I had to do the rest on my own, but Liz's list gives me an hour or two of extra sleep. Thank you so much, Lizzy!

I also got out my old SAT stuff again in an attempt to search for more words. Thinking about the summer now isn't as painful as it was before, but still nostalgic. I've resolved to just get over all the memories. Yeah, I really miss everyone in my SAT class, but they've got their own lives, and I have mine. Accepting that doesn't completely erase the nostalgia though. I guess it'll always be there. I don't think I can think back to any period of time in the past and feel a bit nostalgic. Still, as life goes, last summer was probably one of the sadder ones. I'm like, repeating myself and getting nowhere, aren't I?

Anyway, I kind of thought of Hide again today too. That kid's vocabulary was huge. I wonder how things will be if I still knew him. They'd probably progress nowhere, and it wouldn't be the same. I think it's a good thing I don't talk to him anymore. For now, anyway.

Dual Realities

There's a scene in Shaman King where Yoh's talking with Anna about the Shaman Fight. It takes place after Yoh's fight with Ren, the one that decided whether or not he'd make it past the prelims. Yoh's lying on his back, spacing out at the sky when Anna comes up to him and says something like, "You've been even spacier than usual lately."
"Huh?"
"Is that all you have to say for yourself?"
"..."
Yoh goes on to say, "Two days ago, I was fighting Ren, and now I'm back here. It doesn't feel like the match happened at all. It makes me wonder, was it all a dream? Or did it really happen?"
Anna responds, "The fight, and right now, are both real, but to you, they exist in different realities."

That's how last summer feels like to me: like it was a dream. I know it happened because I lived it, but being back in school makes it feel like it didn't. And today, after I picked up the ceramics Nina and I painted in August, I was thinking about everything that happened. There was so much...how is it possible that it doesn't seem real right now?

And if it doesn't seem real, how do I know I changed from it? I don't remember half the things about the SAT I learned. Hell, I don't remember half the things about myself I learned. But I guess I must have learned something, or I wouldn't be here the exact why I am in this exact moment of time.

Anna's right about events existing in different realities.

Happy Mid-Autumn Moon Festival!

Tonight's the night of the year that the moon is brightest. It's August 15th on the ancient Chinese calendar, which was based off of the rotations of the moon. Step outside and take a look; it's so pretty.

I just came from my first Saddleback concert. It went alright, except for two blatant mistakes on my part. The first one: I came in a beat and a half late on my solo. >.< Luckily, I figured out where I was, so I just jumped in. The second one: I played a D natural when the note should've been a D flat. I'm sure I threw off the pitch in the flutes. Whoops.

What I like about Saddleback is that no one's pressured to do well. I mean, in high school, everyone's all like, "Okay, this is it. We've gotta pull this off," but at Saddleback, it's just relaxed and people get over it if you mess up. Plus, we were on a real stage. :D

Color my World

You can color my world
with sunshine yellow each day
You can color my world
with happiness all the way
Just take the green from the grass
and the blue from the sky above
And when you color my world
just paint it with your love

Alright, I've decided I've been whinny all too much lately, so for once, I've resolved not to bitch about life.

Firstly, I found my calculator. It was in Johnson's room; I must have left it after Physics on Friday. I was so relieved. This is the calculator that got me through the Stats exam last year. This is the calculator that got me through stats last year. Without it, I would've been dead. And yeah, it's kind of sad for me to be emotionally actached to my caculator like this. Oh well.

Secondly, I've adopted a sleeping schedual. I now sleep from 12-7 every morning. I told Liz about my extreme lack of sleep and how tired I've been, and she suggested I sleep for the same times each day. That way, my body can adjust to a constant schedual so it won't have to keep up with my erratic sleeping patterns. It's been working so well. I started Sunday night (or Monday morning), and I haven't been tired AT ALL during this whole week. It's amazing.

Thirdly, hmmm, I want to know how I did on the APUSH test this morning. And the English quiz. I think I'm finally getting use to this year because I didn't completely bomb each one. You know what, I've realized I've become afraid of English. It's more like I'm afraid for my grade, but I just can't like...relax with that subject. Must get over that.

Fourthly, I want to know if fourthly is a word.

I can't find my graphing calculator

shit

Words Ahoy!

I need to define, in context, 100 vocabulary words for English. And I have to find these words myself. They can come from conversation, books, movies, anything. So if you see a good word (like banal, or audacity) used somewhere, please, please tell me immediatley. In an attempt not to procrastinate, I started this assignment today and I have 28 words so far. It's due in two weeks.

Aside from that, I've had a hell of a week. I got 3 hours of sleep Wednesday night, and 4 Thursday. I was working on my English essay and then my math project, which I totally didn't understand. No one else did either, so I don't feel bad. But I do feel bad about not going to Saddleback Tuesday night and getting Garrity's printer jammed Thursday. That was awful. Call me in 20 years to ask me if this pays off.