Yesterday and Today

I have a lot to say, and I have to say it here. Well, no, I don't have to. But lately, it's been bothering me a lot that I'm not as intimate here as I was in my old LJ. And yeah, that does matter to me. I think it's cuz this blog isn't secured. If you Google "the shining sky," you can find this webpage. I don't mind people reading this, whether I know them or not, but it seems harder to spill absolutely everything when I'm not writing in a place that can't be secured or when I'm writing to 9a. So...here goes.

I had a good time yesterday afternoon. I brought my protractor, all my colored paper, siccors (eh, however that's spelled), and glue to Ivy. I was planning to construct a perfect pentagon because on the walls of our classroom, there are pentagons made by little kids that are cut up into 5 congruent pieces. One of the 5 pieces is cut into smaller pieces. There are other shapes on the wall too, but the pentagons are the only ones where the 1/5th that's cut up isn't congruent. I've noticed this like, the first week, and it's been bothering me.

So I brought in everything so I could make a perfect pentagon, and the first thing Kevin thinks of when he sees all the colored paper is origami lotuses. It started with him taking 16 pieces, 4 sheets of 4 colors to put together a lotus. That made me start making lotuses my own way, so I made some for Alice. She made one of those hearts for me, and I made a lily for her. Then Ming made some stars, so I stuck a star in the lily I made, put the bottom of the lily into my erasor, which is one of those pencil-shaped kinds, and presented it to Alice. The lily was orange and my erasor case blue, but it didn't like that bad. All of this was while Mr. Ed was yakkin' about subatomic particles and stuff, so it was pretty funny. At break, Mr. Ed made an airplane, and Mind made another one, differently. Ming's flew really well, so he started making a ton more with my paper. On the second break, me and Alice went over to Ralphs to buy goldfish, and apparently, Mr. Ed, Ming, and Kevin had a paper airplane war whilst we were gone.

I had a good time, and I didn't really think of the origami again until Miss Lin saw the orange lily I made. She said that she had tried to follow instructions on how to make those out of a book the day before, and she got stuck. So then I made another one for her. I had to stay after to wait for mom to pick me up anyway. She wanted some more, so she game me pretty pink paper and I sat down to make even more. There were other girls who wanted to learn. They were a lot younger, but I decided to try teaching them anyway. It went alright. I didn't mind helping them along, and they got there in the end. Miss Lin came in and out, and in the end, I also offered her my orange lily, which she gladly accepted. She's really really old, you can tell. It made me wonder, When was the last time anyone offered her flowers?, which kind of made me sad. None of the little kids like her because she's strict, and she doesn't speak English well, so I'm glad I was able to give her something she liked.

So I had an enjoyable afternoon at Ivy. Trouble started when I got home. Dad woke up with a fever yesterday, and he stayed home all day. My mom and him aren't speaking right now, so when I got home and he asked me to cook some rice, I was all like "...okay" even though I've never cooked rice before. So I managed to make some rice and I got some noodles out for my own dinner. In the middle of me eating dinner, Dad was all like, "Can you go out to Ralphs and get some Tylenol?" Now, first of all, you have to understand that I was tired, hungry, and I live on a goddamn hill that's steep. Going down to Ralhps isn't hard, but going back up? It's killer. Especially at the end of the day. Not to mention Ralphs is about 1.5 miles away. So then I was all like, "No, I'm not walking to Ralphs, but I can ask mom to drive there for you."
Dad: "I'm asking you to walk there, not your mom to drive."
Me: *remaining calm* "Well, it'd be a lot easier if mom drove."
I don't remember exactly how things happened after that--I was pretty tired and I really just wanted to finish my noodles, which were good. But anyway, I got Dad pretty mad because he walked over to the table, picked up a plate, and totally smashed it on the ground. To be perfectly honest, I wasn't bothered much. I guess I was just lucky the glass didn't cut my feet. I know I said, "That's not going to help you get better," completely calm. Then dad said, "Yeah, I know. I wish I could get a gun and shoot you three dead too." (You three being me, mom, and Tony.) That didn't bug me much either, but if I'm murdered one day, someone investigate my dad and show the judge this entry in court.

Going on though, I really wasn't bothered much by that either. I've realized this summer, I am a waaay better person than both of my parents. Anyway, I know I said, "That won't help you get better either." Then I finished my noodles, and went downstairs to ask mom to drive to Ralphs. Mom was all like, "But dad asked you to go."
Me: "But it'd be easier if you drove."
Mom: *goes outside*

Some parental support.

Then I went to the backyard to check on the rabbits, and I went to my room. I got two copies from the library of sheets with a bunch of icons on them, and I've been working on cutting all of them out. So I sit on my bed, and I start thinking as I'm cutting out pictures from anime. <3 I've forgotten some of the exact thoughts that ran through my head, but I concluded that I did want Dad to get some Tylonal. If I wasn't willing to get medicine for him when he needed it just because I was tired, that didn't make me that good of a person either.

Now, this part's kind of weird. I'll try my best to describe it, dear blog. I'm holding a bunch of icons in my hands, and I'm just looking at them. For some weird reason, I decide I want to bring one to the supermarket with me, just for support. I think it's because anime makes me happy. So I choose a small 60 x 60 pixel icon of Isis from Yu-Gi-Oh, because I love her character. She really changes after her duel with Seto, and that kind of profound change made her a new person. I love the idea of an unkown future. Anyway, I put the icon of Isis in my phone (it's one of those flippy kinds), and I grab $20. I don't want to bring a purse, so I dump my phone and my money into the pocket of my jacket, grab my bike, and set off. I decided to go to Pavillions instead of Ralphs because it's not down the hill.

I biked off without telling mom, but that's okay because I have my phone. So I reach the end of my street and I turn right, and about 5 mintues later, I realize that I've taken the long way, but I decide to keep going anyway--it felt SO good. The sun had just set, and the shadows from the streetlights made the sidewalk look like it was transparent; like I was biking on air. To be honest, I guess that's the closest I've ever been to being high. The evening air smelled beautiful, and it felt so FREE to be out there in the dark by myself. Plus, the roads in Mission Viejo are perfectly smooth, so I just kept going and going.

I was reading 9a's notebook this week, and she wrote about breaking out at 2:55 AM or something for a 5 minute walk, and my first reaction was, "YOU WHAT?!" I was going to call you and lecture you on the dangers of girls going out alone in the middle of the night, 9a, but never mind that now. I think I understand how you felt. Some people ask, "How can you live in a city for 3 years without knowing where the so-and-so store is?" but last night, while biking, I was thinking, "How could I have lived here for 3 years and not have done this before? Gone out on my own and smelled the beautiful city?" It's not that scarey either; Mission Viejo is like, the 2nd safest town in California or something. *knocks on wood*

So eventually, after biking through sprinklers and getting soaked, I reach Pavillions, and I start my search for the Tylonal. I swear, I walked across the store 5 times before I almost walked into the medicine shelves. They were RIGHT by the entrance, and somehow, I missed them. Do you know how many different types of Tylonal, there ARE? I spent like, 15 minutes looking for something that'd work! Then, I didn't really want to rush back home, so I looked around more. I contemplated getting a new notebook to write to 9a in, but those notebooks were expensive and not that pretty. So then I went to the book section, and guess what I found? Harry Potter 6! I don't have that one yet, and it was on 25% off, so I grabbed a copy of that too, and went to pay for everything. The guy who rang up my stuff started saying stuff like, "You're behind on your reading." I was thinking, If only you knew... Seriously, I don't even know how many times I've read Harry Potter. I lost track in 4th grade. -_-;; Then again, I never saw much value in counting up how many pages you read. What kind of stupid person does that? I read because I like to read, not to show off big numbers.

So then, I set off home again, and after accidentally taking the long way to Pavillions, guess what I did? Yep. I missed a turn and had took the long way home. I seriously thought I was lost for a while back there. It was completely dark, and there were cars, but I was still kind of scared. I mean, it was 8:30, and who knew who was out there? I didn't recognize the street I was on until I had biked a while, and I was SO relieved when I finally did.

I get back home, and give dad the Tylonal. I don't know if he took any, but I don't care. I think I went to Pavillions more for myself yesterday than for anyone else. I HAD to get away. Anyway, there was watermelon on the kitchen floor now along with broken glass, so something obviously happened while I was gone. I crept into Tony's room while mom and dad shouted at each other in the garage and he said he didn't know. He was already in bed, so I just said that was fine and left him to go to sleep. I took a shower and I wanted to write all this yesterday, but I was too tired to. I think, I really learned something last night. No matter what happens, I honestly will be okay now. While biking home from Pavillions, I realized that I have myself, I really do, and I know who I am, so for now, that is enough. I wasn't all that sad last night either, so that was a good sign.

Today, Dad was feeling better enough to go to work, so I studied for my SAT class in the morning and had a blast this afternoon. When I got there, Alice, Diane, Ming, and I went to Ralphs to get some Beef Jerky. Kevin arrived at Ivy when we got back, and we went into Room D to wait for class to start. In that room there's a tv, so Ming opened the cabnets and found Lion King, and popped it in. It was at the part where Scar sings his creepy song to the hyhenas. We watched a bit before Mr. Andrew came to get us to class. Kevin, Ming, and Diane went back later to finish the song and Kevin wanted to look for the part where "sex" is spelled from the dust. He knew the exact scene it was in. O.o Apparently, it doesn't spell "sex" either, it spells "sfx" for "special effects." But anyways, that was kind of funny.

In class, we worked on some stuff, and Ming made an airplane out of a pizza hut box for Mr. Ed and we all signed it afterwards. Then we presented it to Mr. Ed and he talked to us for a while about his cats. Then, the saddest part. Kevin left first because his mom was here, and then I walked Alice, Diane, and Ming down to the parking lot. Diane's going back to Canada next Tuesday, but we are totally e-mailing. Me and Alice too. I have Kevin and Ming's e-mails, but it'd be kind of weird to e-mail them. I never talked a lot with Ming, but I guess I'll send him something say hi every once in a while. I hate letting friendships die. And I do want to ask Kevin to say hi to Marie for me. That'd be great.

Then, after mom came, she and Tony went to Pho for dinner, but I had had pizza at Ivy, so I asked if I could take a walk to Rancho, my 7th grade middle school. She agreed, and I set off. First, I went back to my old appartment to look at it, but I didn't linger too long. When I got to Rancho, I literally took a stroll down memory lane, looking at all the old classrooms, where Marie and I used to eat lunch, and the basketball courts where I fractured my finger. I remember me crying after that happened, and Marie telling me not to, and how my finger would heal. And again, I realized something, something that made me really sad: All these years, I've found a reason to hate Irvine, when, really, it's not that bad. I was young then, we were all young back then, and Marie took a lot of effort to stay my friend. I've never really considered things from her point of view before. I mean, I was really naive compared to her, and I knew NOTHING about computers then. She did so much for me; I'm ashamed I never comprehended it. She even invited me to her house in October or something that year. I had no idea why back then, but now...I think maybe, she wanted me to have a friend in Irvine. Or I like to think so anyway.

I guess I was the one who didn't like myself back then, if that makes sense. It doesn't really to me, but it does. I don't know. I'm still learning, that's for sure.

Tonight, I still have to e-mail Alice because I told her I would, and I wanna ask Diane where in Ladera she lives. She's staying there with her aunt and uncle until she flies back up. And I've still gotta e-mail Klee and Joy, just for old times' sake. I finished writing in Nina's last notebook, and I think I'll take a small break before I start another one. I've realized how attached I've grown, but I need to talk more in other places too, like here. Not that anyone but 9a reads this, but that beats the point.

And Marie? I know I definately want to contact her, but I don't know how. A small part of me wants to call her. A really, really small part. I could also send her something by snail mail, but who uses that anymore? I don't know her current e-mail or IM, but I could try her last one. Or I can wait til Kevin contacts her, but that seems kind of...I don't know, not as good. I mean, what kind of a friend lets someone she doesn't know that well say hi to a friend for her because she's too shy to do it herself? So I don't know, I'll have to give this a lot more thought.

Anyway, that's all I have to say tonight, and I'm glad I said it. All of it.

Edit: Damn, that took and hour and 20 minutes to write.